GAME REVIEW: The Walking Dead Episode 5, No Time Left

The Walking Dead, Episode 5, No Time Left

THIS REVIEW CONTAINS SPOILERS FOR PREVIOUS EPISODES

And so, the first season of Telltale Games The Walking Dead comes to an end, in an emotional, cathartic, highly satisfying installment, that just might be the game of the year. 

Picking up right where Episode 4 left off, Lee is on a mission to rescue Clementine from her kidnappers but he’s been bitten and only has a little time left to do so. I have never been more emotionally invested in a game as I have been in this one; so credit to the makers for being able to craft a believable relationship between Lee and Clem to make this episode feel personal not just to your character, but to the player as well.

More so than any other episode, the choices you’ve made previously (not just this episode, but all the way back in Episode 1) will come back to help or haunt you. Any time you noted a ‘____ will remember that’ but thought it inconsequential…could be the very thing that shapes how this episode, and season, ends for you.

Once again, the choices you make don’t really affect the outcome of the game much (all players will play more or less the same game) but what they do affect is your own soul. Bold statement, maybe, but this is the only game that has ever made me feel guilty for making a certain choice. No more so than in this episode where the decisions you make come thicker and faster than they have in any of the previous episodes, and most of them are life and death decisions. You don’t have time to think them through, you just have to react.

Everything about the episode is a triumph; the plot, which brings together various strands from every episode to date; the music, which at certain points swells and may cause you to tear up a little; the voice acting, which is full of emotion and will genuinely break your heart at points. Yes, the little niggles from the previous episodes are still present and correct here; some frame rate problems, slight juddering, out of time lip sync and music cutting out. But they’re all minor quibbles that don’t spoil the atmosphere or the mood in what is the best game I’ve played this year.

Oh, and stick around after the credits. If you can see through the tears.

Films You SHOULD Like

Recently, I saw Paul Thomas Anderson’s new film The Master. I thought it was alright, nothing as great as a lot of the glowing reviews have suggested. It’s certainly not a bad film; it just didn’t set my world alight. Yet, PTA is a filmmaker whose films always leave me with this nagging feeling; a feeling that I’m somehow wrong for not loving his films. That for whatever reason, I should like them. For no other reason than this director commands my respect.

There are a few other filmmakers that give me this feeling, the most prominent among them being the Coen Brothers. I have seen most of their film output and can honestly say I wouldn’t rate any of them with anything more than an average score. I really do not understand the love for The Big Lebowski. Aside from a few weird characters and an admittedly endlessly quotable script, I don’t rate it as a cult classic or even that good of a movie.

Not me.

Now I don’t consider myself a cineaste at all. I watch, like and review a lot of films, but I’m not steeped in film knowledge, so maybe there’s something that I’m missing with these directors and their films. I get that Lebowski is a pastiche to the noir films of old, but just because there are homages to that genre while the director has also put his own spin on it, doesn’t make it a good film. Can someone tell me why they think it’s a good film? I’m actually asking here.

Closer to me.

Are the back catalogues of these directors too niche? Or at least too niche for my tastes? Other directors that can be considered artistes would be Fincher and Nolan. I love nearly all of their films, but when you look at them all you realise they for all their attempts to be art, they’re still very commercial at heart, and in particular Nolan’s Bat Trilogy, they’re downright blockbusters. Admittedly, not blockbusters in the Transformers mould, but blockbusters nonetheless. Is it this that I miss from the films of PTA and the Coen’s? A commercial bent. Perhaps it is, as my favourite Coen Brothers film is Intolerable Cruelty, easily the most accessible of their filmography.

So, is it my fault? Am I wrong? I understand that film is a subjective medium and all, but general consensus is that I am. Completely 100% wrong.

Then again, I love Darren Aronofsky. So maybe I’m just awkward.

Skyfall Snobbery

I’ve been writing film reviews over on the Belfast Times recently, so there haven’t been many updates here. From now on, the entries will probably be more like this. And there’ll be game reviews from time to time as well. 

If you want the movie reviews, clicky on the linky above.

Anyway, here’s a coupla short observations for you.

Skyfall Screw-ups

So, since I saw Skyfall this thought has been running through my head. In the movie continuity it’s usually assumed that the name James Bond is a codename (it is, isn’t it?) as a way to explain away different actors portraying Bond. The book continuity obviously doesn’t need this. But Skyfall messes with that but taking James Bond back to his roots; the titular Skyfall estate where we’re told the names of his parents, Andrew Bond and uh…Mummy Bond. So that now James Bond becomes his actual birth name.

But then you have M, who muddies the waters to a stupefying extent. It’s spelled out in the film that she has been doing this job for a long time, since at least the Hong Kong handover, and as we’ve seen she was in charge of Bond during Brosnan’s tenure, does that mean that Craig is Brosnan (and by extension Connery, Lazenby, Moore and Dalton)? And then does that mean that the Craig films are prequels?

Well, no.

Obviously. 

Wait, that's not right.

But I think this is what bothered me the most about Skyfall. It posits that Bond has had this long history, by throwing in little nods to the franchises past (the Aston DB5, the Q branch exploding pen gag) which means that these things have happened in the past to previous Bonds, but at the same time expects us to believe that Craig’s Bond is the only Bond there’s ever been.

Well, it’s either that, or MI6 hired a guy whose name just happens to be the same as the codename they’ve been using for 007 for the past fifty years.

Unlikely though.

TV Snobbery

One thing that has been really getting on my nerves recently is snobbery, specifically when it comes to TV. More often than not I’ve been told I should watch one or all of the following; Community, Parks and Recreation, Louie, Girls. I haven’t watched any of those besides a few episodes of Community which I couldn’t get into. I’m sure these programmes are fine and all, but people constantly telling me that I should watch Show XYZ are ever going to change my mind. 

It especially grinds my gears when people tell me I should watch Show XYZ rather than shows I do watch like The Big Bang Theory. I love The Big Bang Theory. It makes me laugh. A lot of people (internet folks mostly) tell me that I shouldn’t watch it for no other reason than it’s popular. I always counter with the fact that it’s popular for a reason. Mostly because it’s funny. (Two and a Half Men is the exception however) And yes, while it may not be as cutting as other shows, and most definitely broader in its humour, it doesn’t mean it’s not good. People these days seem to think that for a show to be considered good it must be as niche and as cult-y and as watched by as few people as possible. The irony being that they never stop telling other people to watch it.

Fucking hipsters.

EDITORIAL: What type of gamer are you?

Now when I ask that question, I don’t mean male/25-30/married or whatever. I mean, what kind of games do you primarily play? Because I find it to be an ever evolving process; one I’m currently in the middle of. I’ve recently thought that I was in a bout of something most gamers have at some point; that is, gaming apathy. But that’s not really true. I’m playing the same amount of games as I always have, but it’s just the games have changed. And so have I.

Not that long ago, I was primarily a multiplayer gamer. Now? I can barely work up the enthusiasm to hit ‘start matchmaking.’ Time was I would have enjoyed nothing more than a Friday night in, plonked in front of the TV, beer in hand, playing whatever the newest game out was with my friends, starting around 9 and continuing, more often than not, long into the wee small hours of the morning. It was great fun, and I remember it fondly but these days it’s a Herculean effort to get a bunch of us together to play online (which nicely, makes it slightly more of an event than it would have been normally when it does happen). But this isn’t necessarily a trend that affects all gamers, perhaps just those of a certain age, because one look at the figures for Xbox Live online play shows you that a ridiculous amount of people are still happily shooting each other in the face every hour of every day. But I’m willing to bet that at least 80% of those huge figures are all 11-16 year olds.

You see recently, and maybe this is simply a getting older thing, I’ve come to expect a lot more from my time spent gaming. I want to be invested, I want to be entertained, and I want to be excited. What I don’t want is to be constantly annoyed that I’m having a bad game, and worrying about my K/D ratio (and also getting destroyed by 12 year old American kids). I want to feel like I’m actually progressing rather than simply upping my kill count and you can only get that from the campaign element of gaming. A worrying trend recently in quite a few shooters has been that the multiplayer option is actually the primary choice on the menu screen; this should never be the case in my opinion. In fact, DICE’s Battlefield 3 from last year actually has disc 1 dedicated to multiplayer, while the campaign part of the game is relegated to the second disc, almost like it’s an afterthought. Don’t get me wrong, there’s nothing wrong with online multiplayer (aside from the seemingly thousands of racist, misogynistic, homophobic people)

You see, I love campaigns. I love a good story to play through. I don’t have the time or the patience anymore to sit online and shoot people in the face ad infinitum; I want to enjoy the story the game has laid out for me. I feel it’s my duty to play what the developers put time and effort into. I’m probably the easiest gamer to cater for as I love a good linear campaign. For all the stick Call of Duty gets, it does produce good, strong, and yes, linear campaigns that tell a good, albeit ridiculous, story. I like to feel like I’m getting somewhere in a game; that’s there’s a specific endpoint to work towards. It’s why I get a little bored with open ended games after a while. Yes, I can appreciate the entire world that has been created but with a game like Skyrim, there’s almost too much to do, and no restriction on when you have to do it. It’s very unfocused and again, I do not have the patience to play something like that either, or the willpower to stick to the missions the game gives you; I could very easily spend hours just riding around the mountains killing anything I come across, but I always feel like I’m wasting my time I could be spending elsewhere. In, you know, real life. And while my game experience will more or less be the same as everyone else that plays it, it’s still very enjoyable. It’s telling that the games I’ve enjoyed the most recently are linear single player campaigns, like Alan Wake, Bioshock, Dead Space 2 as well as recent XBLA games Deadlight, and The Walking Dead. Linear is often used as a criticism, but if the game itself is as involving as the ones I’ve just mentioned any such criticism is null and void in my opinion.

So I ask you, would you rather play for hours and hours and hours online in Call of Duty doing nothing more than killing and getting killed, or play and become involved in a good strong 10-12 hour campaign that you’ll never forget? I know what I’d choose.

GAME REVIEW: The Walking Dead Episode Three

Blah blah blah choices. Blah blah blah point and click.  Blah blah blah zombies. This will be a short review as I’m not going to go into detail about the third episode of Telltale Games Walking Dead series, mostly because I’ve done it twice already and anything I say, including some of the stuff below will just me saying the same thing again, ie. it’s brilliant.

What I will say is that this is perhaps the most emotionally involving episode yet, with events happening that have rivalled some of the best films of recent years. To use an example, remember in LA Confidential when SPOILERS Kevin Spacey gets shot? Well, there is a moment in Episode 3 that shocked me to the core in the way that that did. And it shows how invested I am in the story that I hastily lashed out in anger (my own anger, not Lee’s) and made a choice I wouldn’t normally have made. And as pleasantly surprised as I was that Episode 2 went to the dark dark places it did, this third episode goes to those places and then some. A tearful encounter in the forest sticks out as a highlight; a triumph of storytelling, art design, voice acting and direction.

There were a few new additions this time round as well; for the first time, you’re able to actually fire a gun at certain points when zombies and bandits attack. It’s very basic but it works. And in keeping with the tone of the game, you’re even given a choice at times over if you actually want to shoot or not. It’s this kind of complexity that elevates it over other recent games; for example, right at the very start you’re given the choice to kill a woman in the distance who has been bitten, or keep her alive to draw the zombies to her. I went for the latter, and hated myself for it. But it made sense in the moment, and meant as the zombies were distracted I could get more supplies for the group.

So overall, this is one game series that’s going from strength to strength, and I cannot wait for the next episode of the best game I’ve played this year.

5 stars

CINEMA REVIEW: The Expendables 2

New review coming up, as soon I hammer my catchphrase into the ground. 

The sequel to 2010’s lacklustre but successful original packs in more action, more cameos and more humour to the proceedings which is a breath of fresh air after the very serious in tone original, but oddly the humour is both the film’s strongest and weakest aspect. The first film was supposed to be a throwback to the heyday of this type of action cinema, the 80’s. A love letter to that era of wanton violence, lots of shootouts, and a tonne of gore and one liners. But something felt off; it was too earnest. It was a serious film with aspirations to be tongue in cheek; and while the second film gets a better balance with this, it still feels off somehow.

Barney Ross (Stallone) is the leader of the Expendables. They’re kind of like the A Team, but with more violence and killing. They do off the books jobs for shady government types that normally involve blowing everything up with alarming regularity. They are hired by Church (Willis) to recover a device for the CIA, and during the mission one of their one is killed by the villain, called Jean Villa(i)n (Van Damme) and the rest of the film becomes a revenge tale. 

However, the problem is that the story isn’t really that exciting and you’re just waiting for the next set piece to begin, with boring exposition in between. The opening sequence (and all of the action scenes, if I’m honest) is rather awesome, I must admit, but then it’s just waiting around for the next barrage of gunfire. There’s no real chemistry or feeling of camaraderie between the group, they’re just walking hulking muscle men with guns, and half of them can’t really act; namely Lundgren, Couture and Norris. You get the feeling the film is just happy to coast along on the reputations of its stars. Which is fine, but it also pretends to be something better than that. When it’s really not. 

The tongue in cheek nature that the film is trying to replicate, the era of your Commando’s, Cobra’s, your Universal Solider’s, doesn’t really sit right. Perhaps it’s because the cinematic landscape has changed, especially in action cinema, in that films like that aren’t made anymore and as such everything in this film that’s trying to invoke a sense of nostalgia comes off as desperation. So, the first time Arnie pops up and says ‘I’m back’ it’s quite funny. By the third time, it feels like ‘Ok, we get it.’ The worst offender though, is not Chuck Norris reciting a Chuck Norris fact, but Arnie yet again saying ‘I’ll be back’ to which Bruce Willis replies ‘You’ve been back enough. I’ll be back.’ He leaves the frame; Arnie shoots a couple of guys and says ‘Yippee Ki Ay.’ Groan. The lines that work are the ones that reference the aging action stars without battering you over the head with lame rehashes of their lines from better movies. So when Willis says ‘that thing belongs in a museum’ and Arnie replies ‘Don’t we all?’ That works. As does the image of Arnie and Bruce mowing down bad guys in a Smart car, subverting the action star cliché and being genuinely funny but not stupid. 

However, you don’t go to see this for the compelling plot and nuanced characters, you go for the action. Which is great, for the most part. And I will say, seeing Schwarzenegger, Stallone and Willis tear through the bad guys was a real joy. And Bruce Willis still has the best shooting a gun face ever. 

Big dumb fun. 

 

3 stars (it got one extra for the final shootout)

GAME REVIEW: Deadlight

New review coming up just as soon as I relive a traumatic repressed memory. 

 

The new game from studio Tequila Works, Deadlight is the second title in Microsoft’s Summer of Arcade series; a 2.5D side scrolling puzzle-and-platformer with zombies that’s part LIMBO, part Resident Evil and part Abe’s Oddysee. The player assumes the role of Randal Wayne, a down on his luck fellow searching for his missing wife and child in the middle of a ruined Seattle in 1986, while also escaping hordes of the undead (or ‘shadows’ as the game calls them) as well as the requisite shady military presence. 

Now you might well moan at yet another zombie game, however this one feels so much different. This isn’t an action title, like Valve’s Left4Dead series or the zombie mode  in Treyarch’s Call of Duty games. It’s a run, jump, roll and basically avoid the zombies at all costs game. And while you do get some weapons later on to bust some undead heads, you’ll find the best solution is only to fight them when you absolutely have to. The zombies are an oppressive presence, and one that is relentless and while they are your classic shuffling zombie which might not seem too much of a threat, get ganged up on and you’re pretty much dead immediately.

Fortunately though, dying isn’t much of a hindrance, as like LIMBO and Abe’s Oddysee, this is a trial and death game. Didn’t make that jump and ended up in the water? Respawn and time it better. Pulled the wrong lever and electrocuted yourself? Respawn and don’t pull said lever. Accidentally pressed jump and fell down a ravine/into a herd of undead/onto a mashy spike plate? Respawn and try not to do it for the fifth time in a row. 

A rare zombie killing.

This trial and death method comes into play rather beautifully during the puzzle elements of the game but most of the puzzles aren’t too difficult. There aren’t many that will stump you for any great length of time, which is nice, but at the same time a little disappointing. There’s nothing that has the fiendish difficulty of LIMBO, which I got stuck on dozens of times. The toughest challenge here is finding a certain item to push or pull so you can advance. 

However, nearly the whole middle section of the game is simply working out how to progress through an underground network of death traps. Some of which are very tricky. Navigating said death traps (as well as the zombies) needs a certain degree of precise timing, and thankfully the reasonably simple controls don’t cause too many problems. It’s standard platform stuff and nothing new, but it doesn’t last very long, and all the time you really just want to get back topside and enjoy the destroyed beauty of the world. 

Run, you crazy sumbitch. RUN!

Speaking of, the most striking aspect of the game is easily the art design. It’s nothing short of breathtaking; with glorious 2.5D rendered environments showing you a beautiful backdrop to this post zombie world. Collapsed buildings, cars abandoned on freeways, far away zombies fighting with army types; it let you have a glimpse at this ruined world and really sets the tone of the whole game. That tone being: grim. Grimmer than grim. The plot of the game is in the same vein. I’ll not spoil anything, but the feeling of isolation and futility pervades throughout creating an immersive environment to play in even if the story isn’t much kop. The final twist in the tale is something you can see a mile away, and the protagonist isn’t very sympathetic or even that interesting.  Although the last act of the game, in the 'Safe Zone' is terribly exciting.

Overall though, it’s merely ok when you’d want it to be amazing, it isn’t very memorable and clocking in with a completion time of less than three hours, it’s a fun ride while it lasts but has nowhere near the lasting impact of its obvious influences. 

3 and a half stars.

GAME REVIEW: The Walking Dead - Episode 2

So, I reviewed the first episode of this episodic series a while back, so I’m not going to tread old ground here and explain the game mechanics as it’s exactly the same game, I am going to talk about the escalation of the plot. 

Lee, just before trying to reason with the zombie.

I’ve recently started reading the Walking Dead comic series, and I have watched the television series (my point of entry to this world), and along with this game it’s fast becoming my favourite series overall. Every single aspect of the Walking Dead brand has been nothing less than excellent. And in each medium, the trend continues that the shit hits the fan with alarming regularity. The second episode of the game, subtitled Starved for Help, is no different.

This episode went to places story wise that actually shocked me. Perhaps if I had read this type of story in the comic series (which this type of story, I’m reliably informed, does actually occur) I wouldn’t have been as surprised but as it stands, this was a real kick to the gut moment. Upon stumbling onto a dairy farm run by two brothers and their mother, one you’re your group is wounded and gets treated to by the mother. Later on, after you’ve helped out around the farm SPOILERS you find out that instead of helping him, she has cut off his legs to use for food and that they have been eating people in lieu of livestock. END SPOILERS It’s a dark and twisted aspect to an already grim tale, and it works tremendously. 

The second episode is easily more cinematic than the first, as if the developers had more confidence this time round and threw in a lot more directorial tics. The opening scene ending on a wide shot is beautiful, despite the fact it involves someone getting eaten by the undead. The rain soaked denouement to the dairy farm chapter is stunning also, and allows for some neat lighting tricks, that wring some scares out of shadows. And the final flashback scene is both creepy, intriguing and just plain awesome. 

Only badness lies up the stairs

The choice system comes into play once more obviously, except this time the choices are a lot more subtle than in the first episode. Whereas episode one had you choosing between who to save (Carly or Doug), this time round the choices are much more difficult. For instance, at the beginning you have to decide to split your food rations for that day between the whole camp. Do you keep it for those who need their strength so they can build defences, or do you give it to the kids who need it more? And again, near the end you find a seemingly abandoned car with lots of food in the back. The decision is do you take all of it, some or none. The owners of the car might still be around so can you live with yourself knowing you’ve taken all their food. Again, it depends on what kind of player you are whether you take the food or not, but the fact that I agonised over the decision is proof that after only 4 hours of gameplay, Telltale Games have got me so invested in this world. And that I (as with all games that give you a choice of what kind of player you want to be) wanted to make Lee a good and decent person, even in a post zombie apocalypse world.

However, I did take all the food. 

 

But I felt really bad about it. 

 

5 stars.

Amuricanz, stoopid or what?

Ok, just about an hour ago a picture surfaced on IGN UK. Here it is:

This is a picture of the MTV remake of The Inbetweeners. Fair enough, you may say. I don't see why they need to remake a series instead of just show the UK version, but what the hey. That's what a sane person would say. However, facebook is not full of sane people.

The subsequent outcry of people proclaiming this remake is a travesty has been nothing short of staggering considering the short space of time this photo has been out. The second comment under the picture was this: why do they ruin everything!!! (FYI for all of these I'm typing out responses verbatim; it gives my argument even more validity). That response is fairly reasoned as far as the later ones go. This person is maybe an ardent fan of the original and doesn't like the idea of a remake.

It gets much much much worse from there.

Actually, if you want to read these banal comments, it's right here.

The next comment made me guffaw. Actually guffaw.

"Americans don't understand English comedy - they thing it needs more toilet humour to make it funny." 


Now before, I get into why this comment made me want to write this blog, I'll analyse that comment. They thing (sic) it needs more toilet humour to make it funny. More?!?!?! More than the already ludicrous amount of toilet humour the UK version of The Inbetweeners already has. In fact I'd go as far to say that's all it has. I like The Inbetweeners by the way, but I never claim that it's anything more than a procession of very crude jokes. And also, the series is basically a rip off of American Pie, which itself is a rip off of Porky's. So, who's copying who exactly?


But the thing that really annoyed me is the implication that Americans don't 'get' English/British comedy. An assertion which is quite frankly, bollocks. Here's a list of some of the choicest quotes. 


"Same as 'the office'..british one is brilliant, the acting is really top stuff...but the American office is just dire, why do they try and do British comedy...it don't work you can't do it. Stick to what you do best...eating mega burgers and staying sweaty obese lard arses" - Yeah, you fucking fatties.

"why they need the re-americate everything? Can understand if they reproduce something when the rignal wasn't famous or good. But here there are just stupid money-loving idiots."  - I would love to know how to re-americate something.

"Britain does things subtly, with grace and finesse. America does the same things but with all the subtlety of porn." - I would love to say something about this quote, but I'm too busy laughing.

"shameless, being human, only fools and horses and now this. you would have thought with america being the "greatest" country in the world they would have a few ideas of there own"

"This is why the Americans are the dumbest race in the world"

"This is like replacing the Metro Goldwyn Mayer lion with a fraggle. The U.S of A, 236 years old and still not grasping irony, Brit humour, the recognition of the letter U or the fact they got their freedom 236 years ago..." - what is this, I don't even. 


" The reason they can't just show the UK version is because most Americans are so Gad damned ignorant that instead of learning about British culture and mannerisms, they'd just reject it."

Now, while certainly I agree that the success rate for remakes of British shows in the US isn't great, with a few obvious exceptions, I would love to know what makes people think that that makes Americans stupid. They really aren't, and overgeneralisations like that aren't helpful. I pointed out that 75% of the shows that these people probably watch are US imports, that are SHOCK HORROR, original. Nobody paid any attention to that, because they were to busy with their RIGHTEOUS FURY  to listen to me. 


Yes, there are stupid Americans, but guess what, there are stupid British folk too. Most of you posted comments on that photo. So grow up, losers. 


Cheers
JC

GAME REVIEW: Trials Evolution

New review coming up as soon as I beat my best time.

 

The sequel to the huge XBLA success story, Trials Evolution comes with a lot of hype. Is it good? Does it surpass its predecessor? Will it make you want to break your controller, TV and burn your house down in exasperation and anger?

Yes, to all three.

 

At face value, it’s just a simple physics based time trial game; you have to race from start to finish over increasingly difficult obstacles with the least number of faults as quickly as possible to attain bronze, silver or gold. The mechanics of the game are incredibly simple, and a staple of many an online Flash game you’ve all probably played before, but it’s the presentation of this game that sets it apart from the others. 

The tracks themselves; rendered in a 2.5D environment all the tracks and locales are glorious to look at if you take the time to. Chances are though, you won’t be. You’ll be too busy screaming at the game and the ridiculous obstacles it has put in your way. At the start the tracks are relatively straightforward and once you’ve figured out how to tackle the things in your way you’ll fly through the level and finish with no faults. But before long the tracks up the difficulty, from beginner through medium, hard and then eventually reaching infuriatingly difficult tracks that’ll have you faulting 100 times on just one section of the track, never mind the whole race (my record for one of the extreme tracks is 289 faults; most of the others I’ve just given up on). However, before that the medium and hard tracks are a lot of fun to play and difficult enough to provide a challenge but not so much that you’ll lose the bap over them.

This will happen. A lot.

The game is easily one of the best/worst game for bringing out your competitive streak even before you move on to the multiplayer component. I’ve spent hours (hours) trying to beat my friend’s times so much so that getting gold is not the goal; beating your friend’s time even if it’s just by a few hundredths of a second becomes the main reason to keep plugging away at the single player tracks. 

Then, there’s the multiplayer component; easily, the most fun 4 player racing game this side of Mario Kart 64. Over Xbox Live, all 4 players can compete in 4 lane supercross tracks as well as the normal tracks from the main game. Watching your friend crash as you zoom on ahead and hearing their cries over your headset has provided me with some great laughs. It’s one of those great games that you’ll not mind losing because even then it’s still a ridiculous amount of fun. 

Ridiculous fun.

It’s a short review because there’s not much else I can say, and it’s really a game you have to play yourself to experience the joy and frustration. But the single player is great fun, the multiplayer is fantastic, it looks great, it runs great for the most part (the only problem I’ve noticed is that sometimes when you fault and have to restart a checkpoint the textures take a second or two to load up) and with skill challenges (like seeing how far you can get on a bike with no brakes, or seeing how well you can balance a ball on your bike) and the ability for you to make your own tracks, and download user created tracks for free (some of which are far better than the tracks from the actual developer) this is a game that I’ll be playing for a long long time. 

5 stars.

GAME REVIEW; The Walking Dead - Episode One

Game review coming up just as soon as the world ends.

 

Another zombie game, you may cry. They’re a dime a dozen these days; but The Walking Dead, from Telltale Games (of Monkey Island fame) is different. In many ways, it’s a lot like the TV show of the same name (cue “So, a lot of standing outside a barn with zombies inside posing absolutely no threat then?” responses) and definitely not just another zombie game in the vein of Left4Dead. By that I mean there’s a lot of talking. A lot of it. It’s more like an interactive movie or cut scene than a game really. That’s not a criticism by the way; I love a good strong narrative led game. In reality it has more in common with Mass Effect, than Valve’s co-op zombie shooter, as it’s essentially an RPG, albeit a walk, point and click one. But with added zombie smashing. The choices the game forces you to make at certain points affect later stories, and even the choice of words that you use could come back to haunt you further down the line. 

The main thrust of the story is that your character, Lee, is being transported to prison for murder he may or may not have committed but unfortunately the zombie apocalypse happens, and he’s soon free via a car crash. Before long he meets a little girl, Clementine, who’s parents are likely dead and takes it upon himself to keep her safe. And most of the rest of episode one is Lee interacting with the people he meets. I know it sounds kind of boring, and it depends on the type of gamer you are whether or not you get any enjoyment out of it, but I loved it. 

You'll see a familiar face or two along the way.

Making decisions that will affect future episodes really makes you think hard about what will be best for your own progression in the game; for instance, at one point a reporter girl who’s good with a gun, and a nerdy guy I’d been getting on well with were both being attacked, and I could only save one. I chose to save the reporter girl because of her firearms skill. But I felt really bad about letting my friend get eaten. Although, earlier on in the game, I saved a 10 year old boy over a guy who could possibly have been good building defences, because well, you have to save the kid, right? I’m regretting it now. Again, it depends on how much you get invested in the characters that will cause said emotional response, but it’s a testament to the game that in less than two hours (all the length of time this first episode lasts), it had me feeling sorry that I’d essentially sentenced someone to death by zombie. 

Our main character, Lee, also has a couple of lovely emotional character beats. Arriving in a boarded up store that used to be owned by his parents, there’s a scene in the back office where Lee finds a photograph of them and the music swells, and I couldn’t help but feel sorry for him. It reminded me of the scene in the pilot for the TV series where Rick returns to the legless zombie and puts it out of its misery; showing the real human cost of the zombie apocalypse really deepens the world and the emotional impact any further scenes have, especially SPOILER when Lee has to kill his zombified brother END SPOILER. And there’s a moment later on at a motel involving someone who’s been bitten that’s also incredibly engaging, so kudos to Telltale Games for that. 

However, if I ever feel like I want to save the nerdy guy and let the reporter get eaten, the great thing is that with three save slots I can start a brand new game and make completely different choices to those I made previously. So while in my original game, I tried to play the moral upstanding guy, as I do in all these types of games on the first playthrough, I’m probably going to be a right bastard on my second playthrough and just play for my own survival; no-one else’s. A nice little extra once you’ve finished the episode are the stats showing the decisions other people had made playing the game. Turned out 54% had saved the kid. They probably regretted it too. 

The art style in the game is nothing short of fantastic; it goes for the comic book-y cel-shaded look and looks incredible in motion, and gives the game a striking look and feel. It’s something I haven’t seen in gaming before, and really helps it stand out from the crowd. The voice acting as well is top drawer; even the little girl you’re looking after isn’t annoying. 

DIY gone very very wrong.

The action involving in the game is short but memorable; Bashing a zombie’s face in with a hammer, stabbing one in the face with a screwdriver, ramming one with a pick up truck. You don’t ever actually do any of the violence in a normal gaming sense, rather you just press a button and watch it happen but they’re gory and fun enough that it won’t bother you too much. Again, as said above it’s more about the story unfolding rather than the gameplay itself. 

Overall, it’s a short but wholly engaging two hours of gameplay and definitely worth your 400 MS points (about £3.50), and I will be picking up episode two (of five) the day it comes out, because I really want to see how the whole thing ends. 

Or how I choose to end it. 

4 stars 

CINEMA REVIEW: The Avengers

Because I refuse to call it Marvel Avengers Assemble. 

 

Well, it finally arrived. After 4 set up films, and a couple of Hulks, it finally hits our screens, and happily it doesn’t crumble under the weight of expectation. 

It’s pretty fantastic. 

 

It brings together everything from the movies that preceded it and turns it into a true ensemble piece. No one character hogs the spotlight and everyone (and I mean everyone) gets at least one moment to shine, but a certain green hued character walks away with the entire movie. 

After a quick glimpse of what will be our villains, and the return of the magnificent bastard Loki, we get to see each of the Avengers separately. The assembling of the team takes up most of the first third of the film, but doesn’t once get boring. Just seeing all these characters again, in the same movie, is a thrill. If you’ve seen all of the preceding films you’ll know what to expect from the characters but just in case, here goes; Tony Stark gets recruited as a consultant, Cap gets recruited as a service to his country, Thor doesn’t so much gets recruited but comes to bring Asgardian justice to his little brother, and Bruce Banner is there for his smarts (and also, off the record, to turn into the Hulk later on). However, just because the team is assembled doesn’t mean they get on. A lot of scenes are just talking (or arguing), yet it never becomes dull or uninteresting. Just watching these different personalities bounce of each other is a joy to behold; Cap sparring with Tony Stark, Stark and Banner’s banter, Thor and the Hulk. In fact, this film more so than any of its setup films, is much much funnier. There are literally a dozen laugh out loud lines and scenes, a lot of them coming from not just Tony Stark but Bruce/the Hulk. However, Thor had my favourite line of the film.

Thor: He’s my brother

Black Widow: He’s killed 80 people in 2 days

Thor: He’s adopted. 

 

But as I said earlier Mark Ruffalo just about walks off with the movie as the Hulk. He’s a softer, gentler Banner than Edward Norton, but he nails the tragic nature of the character perfectly; one early scene dealing with how he tried to kill himself, but ‘the other guy’ spat the bullet out. Even his big hero moment is tinged with sadness (“That’s the thing, Captain. I’m always angry.”), but he’s also the wittiest interpretation of the character we’ve seen so far. And the most smash happy. Honestly, in the final battle he kicks so much alien ass, and gets the most memorable move when dispatching puny god, Loki.

Ah yes, the action. Well, it’s superb. It feels epic in nature, which is a word I’m loathe to use, but there’s no other word for it. Taking place all over Manhattan it’s warfare on a massive scale, yet it never loses sight of what makes it so thrilling. Because we’ve had such a long time to get to know these characters, and have watched them begrudgingly become a team, we care about the stakes. Sharing battlefield banter makes them seem more real, despite being a god, or a super soldier. 

Interestingly, there’s not much in the way of fan service. No winks or nods to the audience which is surprising considering you could have had every character spin off their own particular catch phrase just for the sake of whoops from the audience. The only concession to that is an utterance of HULK SMASH! and it’s not even the Hulk who says it. 

Anyway, overall I thought it was brilliant despite a slightly saggy middle section, but once the battle starts you’ll not care. Also, the event that causes this merry band of heroes to finally become a team is actually quite moving and unexpected. 

As for a score, 5 stars.

Even More Gaming Annoyances

#11 -Parents playing videogames

 

Ok, this one is true of a lot of different groups, not necessarily parents but they’re the most frequent culprits. Sometimes you want to try and get you parents to play games. I’ve tried for manys a year. I first remember trying with Sonic back on the Mega Drive. My dad could play that no problem. It’s not hard. However, as parents are inclined to do, they moved the controller with the character on screen, in a vain attempt to move Sonic just that little bit further or jump a little higher. Rookie mistake. 

This is not usually what happens.

You see, parents just aren’t gamers. The majority anyway. And if something as straightforward as the run and jump mechanics of Sonic stumps them, then God forbid you try to introduce them to a modern first person shooter that requires you to use one stick for moving, another stick for direction and then you also have to shoot things. All at the same time!

The process goes a little something like this:

 

Me: Ok, move forward.

Parent: Ok.

[Moves forward]

Me: There’s a guy shooting you on your left.

[Stops dead, looks left, continues holding left and spins in a circle until they die]

 

[Respawn]

 

Me: Ok, look up.

[Looks up. At the sky]

Me: No, not that far. Look down again.

[Ground]

Me: No, look about halfway up so you can see the building.

[Sky. Followed by death]

 

[Respawn]

 

Me: Ok, jump over that wall.

Parent: Which one is jump?

Me: That one.

[Character jumps on the spot]

Me: No, you have to press forward and jump.

[Character looks up at the sky. Jumps]

Me: No, do it at the same time.

[Character jumps on the spot. Then upon landing looks up to the sky. Dies]

A little later, once we’ve got the sky/ground thing worked out.

 

[Respawn]

 

Me: Right, walk along to the end there. And take a left towards that building.

[Walks forward, gets to crossroads, stops, turns 90 degrees, then after some sky/ground action, walks forward again. Gets shot. Dies.]

My dad can however play Guitar Hero pretty well. On the easiest setting. But by jove it took some patience getting there. 

#12 - Gaming getting blamed for mental kids

 

So, just last week the story was in the papers of the kid who killed his mum. Horrible story, no doubt. But the following day in the papers the shocking revelation came out that this kid had a copy of some violent video game in his room (I can’t remember what it was, but it involved killing folk for points. Like most games then?). The story then went off on a sensationalist tangent about how these games are training our children to be murderers. 

No, they’re really not. 
 

And calling for them to be banned is just as stupid. 
 

Kids who kill their own parents are probably unstable to start with. I’ve played games my whole life and have not once harboured any murderous intentions once the console is switched off. I have plenty of violent DVDs and books. Should we ban those as well?

Games are rated just like films. If your 12 year old child wants to buy Modern Warfare 3, which is rated 18 and you do, you’re to fucking blame for not being a responsible parent. It probably wouldn’t have turned him into a killer though, but at least if he murders his parents they will find age appropriate games in his room, and blame the kid and not the game. 

#13 - Multi stage bosses

 

You’ve fought you way through countless drones and nameless baddies to reach the end of level/game boss. You persevere, getting your ass handed to you on multiple occasions but though sheer force of will you defeat the blaggard. He falls to the ground defeated. You are victorious. You bask in the glory of besting your foe. 

But wait…

 

He starts to get up again. In a seemingly larger form than he was previously. And inexplicably with a larger health bar. 

What the fuck, gaming? Seriously? I just kicked seven shades of shit out of this dude and he just gains some extra strength/arms/weapons from nowhere? The equivalent of every Power Rangers episode ever. Of course, you’re always nearly dead anyway from the previous fight, so now you’re expected to do it again, to a harder enemy, with less health than you had fighting the easier one. Fuck that. 

The most recent example of this. F*ck you, Poison Ivy.

Stop doing this games. Please. Or at least don’t have a little cut scene in between leading me to believe that I’ve actually killed him only to pull the rug out from under me, and causing me to die loads me times trying to kill the bugger. 

And don’t get me started on games that do this more than once.

#14 - Driving games

 

Now, there’s nothing wrong with driving games specifically, except for the fact that I’m shit at them. Honestly. 

 

I mean actual driving games now. Not one where you have to drift round corners and have nitro boosts. I’m awesome at those. But with actual driving games? Your Forza’s and your Gran Turismo’s? I suck. I just get bored with driving very very easily, and wish that the game would suddenly cause something to explode in front of me or give me a corner that I can drift around, instead of just having to brake slightly.

 This is my kind of racing game.

I mean, I can drive properly in real life with nothing exciting happening. Why would I want to do it in a game with other people who are doing the same? Often the only excitement in a racing game comes from someone doing something out of the ordinary, when that should be the norm. A game should constantly have you on edge, or at least excited. Trundling round a track never overtaking, and being afraid to crash just ain’t fun. 

#15 - Tails

 

What a dick. 

 

All he was good for was providing the occasional laugh when he accidentally died.

CINEMA REVIEW: The Cabin In The Woods

New review coming up after I read some Latin from a creepy book.

So, a lot of reviews have critiqued this film without giving away any plot details, as it’s best to go into this movie knowing nothing about it. I shall not be doing this; the blog is called Contains Spoilers for a reason.

The Cabin in the Woods, marketed as just another horror film…with a twist, sets out what it wants to do within the first minute. A creepy title sequence featuring all sorts of macabre paintings covered in blood smash cuts to a government facility with two shirt and tie wearing folks, discussing the success rate of their current experiment over a coffee machine. This isn’t your granddad’s horror film.

It transpires that the teens that are going away for a weekend at the titular cabin are the experiment in question. The teens are your standard horror movie stock characters: The Virgin, The Nerd, The Jock, The Slut and The Black Guy. So far, so normal. However, it’s the Cabin that’s not at all it seems. After not long at all the film plays it’s hand; the cabin and even the teens are all being manipulated by the aforementioned suits, for reasons that aren’t given away. Yet.



The best way to describe Cabin in the Woods would be half piss take of horror movies, and half loving homage to them. It embraces all the clichés of countless horror films and subverts them all; for example, at one point the characters decide to search the rest of the house together, in a group. The puppeteers are having none of it and pump in gas that gets them all to change their minds, and they decide to ‘split up, so they can cover more ground.’ It’s an obvious joke, but it’s still funny. And then there’s the scene which kicks the whole thing off, which is a treasure trove of meta-humour; the characters are lead down to the basement which has an assortment of creepy looking artefacts and items. Each character picks up something in their search, each of which in your usual horror film would trigger the plot (a necklace, a Hellraiser like sphere, a book kind of like the Necronomicon). The gag being…they all do. Each item relates to a different scenario that the puppeteers would visit upon the teens. They further pile on the meta references by having the employees behind the fiction run a sweepstake on what doom the teens will bring on themselves. The winner being Zombie Redneck Torture Family.

And in perhaps the funniest gag in the movie, the puppeteers get a phone call from the Creepy Gas Station man, the character who appears in every horror film, including this one, who gets our teens to where they want to go, who begins a long speech which would be a portent of doom in most horrors, but keeps getting stopped when he realises he’s on speakerphone and his warnings are being laughed off by everyone in the room.

The film has fun subverting all the clichés but eventually this kind of loses its fun factor and becomes another ‘oh look, we’re poking fun at this hoary old horror movie schtick now.’ Thankfully, at this point the film takes a drastic U-turn which again subverts everything that has come before it, and it becomes something fresh again. The two remaining characters, the Nerd and the Virgin, find their way into the underground base and discover all the monsters held below; any one of which could have been unleashed had they chosen a different artefact. In an attempt to get back at their tormentors, they release all the monsters in the facility against the puppeteers, leading to the most insane monster mash you’ve ever seen. And probably the bloodiest, goriest but also most fun scene you’re going to see in a mainstream horror film.

The final revelation (that the teens are being killed as a sacrifice to the Old Gods) is quite fun and plays into an old horror movie cliché itself; that it requires the archetypes of characters always seen in horror movies to work. And the addition of a horror movie icon as the person behind it all just adds more layers to the joke.

Overall, it’s not as good a post-modern horror film as the granddaddy of the genre, Scream, in that at times it’s not as clever as it thinks it is, but it certainly is a lot of fun. And thankfully something different than the slew of horror remakes that have been churned out recently.

And the Japanese version of the same experiment is a very very good gag.

3 and half stars.

GAME REVIEW: Alan Wake

A quick game review coming up right after I turn on all the lights.

So, Alan Wake is something of a gaming milestone for me. In two ways actually. One, it’s the game during which I finally pushed my Gamerscore over 20,000 which is either awesome or depressing depending on your viewpoint. And two, it’s the first horror game I’ve ever seen through to the bitter end, having previously shat out of all other horror games I’ve played before.

Hooray for me!

Anyway, the game itself is an absolute delight. Structured like a TV show (complete with cliff-hangers, and ‘previously on’s’), with a beautifully realised environment of a small-town community and a hell of a lot of fun to play. Oh, and it’s pretty scary too.

The premise is this: Alan Wake and his wife Alice go on holiday to the seemingly idyllic town of Bright Falls. Soon, Alice gets taken by…something and it’s up to Alan to find her. Unfortunately the thing that has taken her is the ultimate evil of all evil. Or The Darkness, as the game calls it whose minions, the Taken, have uh…taken over a lot of the townsfolk and are trying to prevent Alan from getting her back.

The core mechanic of the game is dark versus light. Playing as Alan, you’re hardly ever without your trusty flashlight which is as important, if not more so, than your pistol. The Taken a shrouded in darkness and are unkillable until you’ve destroyed it first. So blast them with your torch, and then shoot the bastards dead. That’s basically the whole game summed up as it doesn’t change much throughout the 8-10 hours it takes to complete. But saying that does it such a disservice. The game design is nothing short of breathtaking with stunning environments that while linear are open to some exploration (Apparently. I didn’t stray too far from the obvious path lest something unexpected caused me to scream like a little girl); the sound design with have you constantly checking around you to make sure you’re not about to get attacked (seriously, I lost count the amount of times a creaking floorboard has had me shitting myself) and the episodic nature of the game is like crack. I hardly put the game down this past weekend until I had it finished.

The set pieces are glorious, especially the ones where you get surrounded by a metric fuckton of Taken and have to decide the best method of taking them out. The standouts being an old abandoned stage from a festival, being swamped by Taken, however you have the rock bands fireworks and flamethrowers on your side. The other being the dash away from the police, with their cars and helicopters getting destroyed by The Darkness as they pursue you. In fact, most of the action is very well done. There’s nothing amazing or brand new about it but the two pronged attacking (torch the shoot) makes it different from just shooting everything that moves, and refreshingly the game sometimes gives you no option but to run away from fights you have very little chance of winning.

Anyway, I’ll not spoil any of the story, mainly because I don’t really know what happened at the end, but throughout the whole game its very Twilight Zone-esque mixed in with a bit of X-Files/Twin Peaks-yness mystery. It even has you collecting coffee thermoses for the achievement called ‘A Damn Good Cup of Coffee.’ Also throughout the game, you find pages of a novel that Alan has already written which foreshadows events to come. It’s quite an interesting device, which you’d think would spoil the surprises somewhat but it actually ramps up the dread.

Especially when you read ‘chainsaw.’

Overall, 4 stars. Highly recommended.

CINEMA REVIEW: This Means War

I posted this by mistake in my other blog (thanks for telling me, ardent readers of that(!)) and only just realised, so here it is in the right blog, about a month later.

http://jcsbrainstew.blogspot.co.uk/2012/03/cinema-review-this-means-war.html

Enjoy!

CINEMA REVIEW: 21 Jump Street

After a slew of middle of the road movie remakes of popular 70’s and 80’s TV series (Dukes of Hazard, Starsky and Hutch), I was a little apprehensive of this one; a movie remake of the Johnny Depp starring 80’s TV show about police going under cover in high school. But from the trailers this looked at least better than average, so I gave it a go. And I’m so glad I did.

Easily one of the funniest movies I have ever seen. It’s not big and it’s certainly not clever, but it is laugh out loud hilarious. Not a minute goes by without at least one good laugh. And not 5 minutes will go by without at least one belly laugh. Jonah Hill is on great form, playing basically the same character he plays in all his movies as Schmidt. But Channing Tatum as Jenko is the real revelation, showing real comic chops and impeccably good humour when it comes to sending himself up.

If I could compare it to any other recent movie, it would be Hot Fuzz. I don’t think it’s a better movie than Hot Fuzz, but it’s easily a funnier one. And as with that movie the action isn’t toned down simply because it’s a comedy you’re watching, with the final chase being just as exciting as it would be in your standard action film. But with slutty prom girls thrown in for good measure.

As with comedies though, most reviews boil down to funny or not funny. And this one is definitely funny. Painfully, side splittingly, gut bustingly so. The comedic highlight for me being the scene after the two guys take the drug they’ve been tasked to stop supply of, and end up tripping balls but still having to go back to class. Jenko wrecking band practice and Schmidt performing lewd acts with a baton had me struggling to breathe. It’s that funny.

4 stars.

More Gaming Annoyances

Some more gaming vitriol. Enjoy!

#6 – People on TV playing games

Television never never gets gaming right. Any time characters on TV are gathered around playing games, they press every button possible in as short a space of time as you can imagine like some sort of spasticated monkey. There is no game on Earth that requires you to press that many buttons that quickly (well, maybe some mental Japanese one, but no game I’ve ever played.) I understand that they want to make a scene as exciting (or whatever) as possible, and having a person slumped on the sofa in their underwear, with empty Coke cans and crisp packets scattered about, barely moving their hands, like real gamers do, wouldn’t look all that great. But if you don’t take the time to do it right, don’t do it at all.

But please don’t have your character hammering the controller like a mentalist.

#7 – the cardboard box in Metal Gear Solid.

Metal Gear Solid is a stealthy game; sneaking around military bases, taking out guards, and uncovering massive (usually boring) secrets. Occasionally though, when stealth fails you, you have to run and hide. Sometimes however, there are no good hiding places. So what does Snake do? He whips out his trusty cardboard box, that’s what. Never mind that this whole charade feels completely out of place, it’s the physics of it I can’t wrap my head around. There’s no way Snake could fit in that tiny little thing. I don’t care how good a spy he is.

Also, it never worked as a hiding place. Not for me anyway. The guards always came round the corner, and lifted up the box, no matter how well concealed I was, and shot me to death because it’s pretty bloody obvious that there shouldn’t be some random cardboard box sitting about a military base.

However, it did work once when I was fighting a helicopter. Odd.

#8 – Post-Mega Drive Sonic games

They have all been awful. Even the ones I tried to pretend weren’t, like Shadow the Hedgehog and Sonic Heroes. Sonic just doesn’t work in 3D. And they’ve added so many characters, it has become almost like a soap opera; there’s Big the (retarded) cat, Amy Rose (Sonic’s girlfriend apparently), as well as some shadowy government organisation called G.U.N. but worst of all is that they’ve changed Dr Robotnik’s name to Dr Eggman. That is sacrilege. I mean there's even a game where Sonic turns into a werewolf FFS.

Sorry, werehog.

Bring back the simple days of ‘Sonic wants to free his friends by running really fast.’ That was awesome in the 90’s, when every problem could be solved by running really fast.

Or so I’m told.

#9 – Giant spiders

I’m fairly certain that 1 in 3 new games released will have a giant spider in there somewhere. They’ve become the new zombies. Although unlike zombies, giant spiders freak me the fuck out. Seriously. After a battle with one in Skyrim my skin crawls for like ten minutes. They’ve been freaking me the fuck out since Abe’s Oddysee in 1998 and that game’s Paramites (more or less giant spiders) and no doubt will continue to do so for some time.

I mean just look at that! It’s horrible.

#10 – Movie tie-ins

Big blockbuster movies are big business. The games industry in an attempt to cash in on the hype fires out a licensed game with the same title. I’m not talking about your Arkham Asylum’s or even your Force Unleashed’s here; I mean rushed games that are released a month or so before the movie and hope to get people excited enough to buy them. Or get their parents too. Because most of these games are designed for kids who want to be Iron Man, or Harry Potter. I swear there has been one Harry Potter game churned out per film, and they always come down rapidly in price. Why? Well, because they’re god awful is why.

Although the exception to the rule is the actually far better than it has any right to be X-Men Origins: Wolverine game. Maybe the rule is terrible movie, great game.

Anyway, that's enough for now.

JC